The Joys of Unemployed Football

Football holds a special place in the hearts of the funemployed. What began as a healthy obsession with my hometown team has recently evolved into an uncontrollable mania for the sport in general. Everyone needs something to look forward to, but for those of us with less structured weeks, football provides a landmark by which we may assess forward motion (first and last sports pun ever, I swear).

This newfound preoccupation has probably been fueled by the fact that I’ve had to suffer through two consecutive Sundays sans Steelers. In my early days of unemployment, before my soul had calloused over and had given up all hope of ever finding work, I looked to Sunday and it’s eternal optimism for the strength to persevere. If the Steelers won, I envisioned an auspicious week in my job search. If they lost, well, I was fucking pissed, but at least everyone else was, too. As a bonus, if Jeff Reed happened to get himself arrested, then I had a super-fun Monday reading national press coverage of the event.

The combination of a bye week followed by a Monday Night game is cruel under any circumstances, but may actually induce hallucinations and criminal behavior in the out-of-work. Fortunately, I managed to stay on the right side of the law this week through educational outreach programs and stealthy use of the Internet. Sunday’s AFC North rivalry match was broadcast into my apartment loud and clear via several sketchy URLs.

Having time off from work, or from meaningful activities of any kind (outside of bloging, of course, and funemployment camp) has yielded me the opportunity to become a better and more informed fan. Thanks to ample time to explore both official websites and fan blogs, I’ve really been able to augment exponentially my knowledge of the sport and its participants. Not only have I enriched my understanding of the history and structure of my hometown franchise ten-fold, I’ve also gotten much cozier with the whole league in general. Even if this newfound knowledge does not reflect upon my resume, I am hopeful at the very least that it will enhance my profile in future Pub Quiz events.

Kickoff—Go Steelers.

Goats, etc.

Full disclosure: I love goats. I love everything about them, from their little beards, to their cheese, to their sweaters. I love that they are affectionate and helpful, and that they come in over fifty different varieties. Were it not illegal and potentially cruel for me to keep one in my Brooklyn backyard, I would run out this very moment and obtain at least two. (Goats are heard animals, and get lonely without goat-buddies).

Like all unemployed goat enthusiasts, I’m really looking forward to catching a cheap matinee of the new film “The Men Who Stare at Goats” sometime this week. My love for Jeff Bridges is on par with my love for all things hircine, so this is a pretty big deal for me.

Unlike some other urban-dwelling goat aficionados, however, I refuse to dwindle my precious out-of-work moments just gazing at goat imagery. In addition to the goat-related film screening, the funemployed collective will be taking a fieldtrip to a livestock auction, to get up close and personal with some real live goats. This is by far our most ambitious and costly project (train fares and entrance fees may approach $20), but the educational value and emotional satisfaction are well worth the investment.

We’ll pack some picnic lunches (with extra benadryl, for me) and report back on our findings. If loving goats is wrong, I don’t want to be right.